Here’s my story, from the perspective of an Adult/Elder Indigo. I’m sharing it with you to let you know what my personal journey has been like. Since I wrote this, I have heard from many, many other adult Indigos — who tell me that they have a story very like this one. If you identify, first of all WELCOME! I’m so glad you made it through! Secondly, please join us as we continue to wake up the world.
I was one of the first Indigos to arrive. I was called in by the decision of humans to unleash atomic weapons upon the earth; I arrived mere days before Hiroshima was attacked – obviously ?too late? to stop the atomic attacks yet ?right on time? — my energy was needed here urgently, and I was an early responder. I had originally planned to arrive around 1960-1970, but I arrived sooner than that, because of the calls of Beings of Light who needed to anchor higher energy fields into the human grid as soon as possible.
This isn?t my first incarnation here; I?ve been here many times, and I know who I was in many of those lives. It doesn?t matter to me if you would know those names or not, because it?s not important. I am one of the Builders. As a young child, the adults in my life kept trying to redirect me away from the erector sets the boys were playing with, believing them inappropriate for girls. (I refused to play with dolls — they were as far as I was concerned irrelevant to my life.)
Now I understand that my Mission includes creating systems, forms and structures that are required for collective consciousness transformation, as well as the Healing Work all Indigos and humans share in common — but I didn?t know that, then.
It has not been an easy journey. I was aware of others after a time (by this I mean that as a toddler I knew that there were others in the world like me) but I had no means to find them because it took all I had just to be able to stay here. Some of us left early, more arrived later. I want to say that for the first ten years there were certainly fewer than 100 of us Indigos here on the planet. I have no way to know unless enough of us survived and are able to connect now and say so. I hope that some of the other early arrivals are still around, and that we can now reconnect while we are still here. (If you’re one of them, please let me know so that we can meet each other at last!)
Until several years ago, I was pretty much in hiding as an Indigo. When the first books and web sites came out, of course I identified and knew that ?my family? had arrived en masse at last. That was the first time I actually began to feel safe. But still I didn?t speak out publicly — I was afraid I would be considered ?too old? to be Indigo. I was afraid to disclose some of the most common Indigo traits that I have been struggling with all my life (feeling a sense of entitlement, as if I am royalty, for instance — I wish it were not true, but it?s there. Oh boy is it there!) I was afraid of being judged, of being thought presumptuous.
But what I denied about myself, kept me from being fully who I am, and thus fully present to life. I decided it was time to stop doing that. It was all of you who helped me decide this, so thank you for that as well as for having the courage to enter at this time and play in this marvelous world. It?s interesting to realize that my close friends and clients have also been asking me to write this story, so there is a way it all connects. Whatever the reasons, I know it?s the right time.
My life as a child was spent concealing a great many things that should not have been kept silent, things like who I am and why I am here, the great shame of incest that was perpetrated on me as a small child, as well as my feelings about being raised in poverty in the heartland of the richest country on earth. I don?t want to sound negative, but I do need to tell my story, and this is a big part of it.
There was no one to recognize and receive me, no one to tend to my special energy needs, and no one to protect me. To my parents and siblings, I am ?just another kid.? They didn?t come equipped or forewarned about who I am and what my special needs were. It has taken many years for me to even understand what happened, and why. First I needed to survive, and then I had some major healing to do! (And, it?s also fair to say, my family survived me, too. It can?t have been easy for them either.)
On the surface of things, when you look at me, you would probably not expect to discover that I am Indigo, unless you can read auras. But what does one look like, anyway? What are you looking FOR? Unless you are Indigo yourself, what you think you know about it is not the whole story. We?re just beginning to tell it now, so listen up!
For most of my life, I lived very privately, trying to make myself less of a target, and therefore safer. I placed barriers and shields around myself, to fend off hostile energies that threatened my very life force. That worked, to a degree, but at the expense of meaningfully connecting with others who might have been able to help sooner. I was deliberately trying not to be different, because I had then (and still have to some degree) a desperate desire to belong. The last thing in the world I wanted was to be different, and yet I am. So very much so.
My journey has always been spiritual although that too I have mostly kept private; I have always looked at life, and at my struggles, as spiritual in nature. I know that to others it may not always look that way, but it is to me. It?s about staying truthful to my connection to Source, and to fulfilling my mission here — to be of service to the Light and Love of Creation, and to make my contributions as best I am able. That was my goal, to survive despite immense outer pressures and thought forms that hurt me and sometimes sought to destroy me, so that I could simply make my contribution in this world, in this time.
There have been long years when I believed that I had made a huge mistake, coming in so soon, with so little support to help me. There were a couple of times I tried to leave, but it wasn?t allowed (and now I?m grateful about that.) To give you a flavor of what my experience has been, coping in a world unprepared for me, and not at all equipped to supply my special Indigo needs, I will share one or two vignettes that demonstrate the dilemmas I faced.
One happened when I attended kindergarten at the age of 5. Now, you need to know that I had read (and understood) the entire set of Encyclopedia Brittanica by the age of 3. So when the kindergarten teacher wanted me to learn the alphabet, I was bored and insulted. I told her I already knew how to read, and what could she offer me instead, but she didn?t believe me. She truly thought I was a liar. Stung, the next day I lugged one of the big volumes into the classroom (this book weighed about a third as much as I did,) opened it, and began to read aloud. The teacher turned bright red, became furious, and punished me for ?showing off? by having me sit on a chair in the corner for the rest of the day.
So, I was called a liar one day and a braggart the next, simply for being who I am. That?s tough for a 5 year old and an Indigo. It is obvious to me now that this poor teacher had no idea what to do with me. I was simply not part of her experience and she had not been prepared for me. (The message I took from this incident (rightly or wrongly) was that ?no one understands me,? which made the world seem a very hostile place indeed. It has become even more obvious now, after all this time, that who we are hasn?t mattered very much to people, and that humans are only beginning to wake up. It has taken a very long time, but it?s happening now. I am so relieved about that!)
After kindergarten, it didn?t get a lot better; I simply learned to conceal the truth and remain largely silent. I got into less trouble that way. But you have to understand that there is a price for this, and I paid it. I chose it, in a certain sense, although not to have enough good options is also more confining than I expected. That may be one of the reasons I am now so effective as a Life Coach — I understand that there really are many options in life, and I know how easy life can be when we can see more paths than are immediately obvious to us. I?ve had a lot of practice finding more options when it seems like there aren?t any, which is a certain skill not everyone knows.
As a child, I kept wanting to ask people, especially adults, ?But, don?t you know who I AM?? I realized early on that no, they didn?t know, and further, most of them would not have cared if they did know, or worse — they might use and abuse me for their own purposes. It was far better to remain hidden and silent, when that was possible.
This need to hide who I am created a pattern where I am still almost totally unable to speak about the things that matter most to me. That is why it feels so important to tell my story, at last. I need to break that pattern, and I will. I am making progress! And so are other Adult Indigos who are starting to tell their stories.
The second vignette I will share has to do with my confrontation of wrongdoing — in this case, bigotry and hypocrisy. I was often challenging the adults, whose values usually departed from mine in major ways. I mean that the values they were living were not the values they said they believed, and in some cases, their stated beliefs differed wildly from my own — and I had STRONG beliefs even as a young child, especially about what is right and wrong. Such social injustices as racism and lack of loving kindness to those less fortunate was always in my face in one way or another.
I remember visiting cousins in Missouri (this is not to disparage that great state — just to anchor this in a factual place) as a youngster, and being forbidden to swim in a particular swimming pool because people of color were in the pool. This made absolutely no sense to me, and I did it anyway, calling upon myself no end of trouble. I told the adults that this was racist, and that what they were doing was wrong. The reason this incident is significant is that I would on occasion place myself at risk of danger in service of a good cause. I knew it was dangerous but sometimes I couldn?t help myself. That trait has been a double-edged sword! I soon learned to choose my battles more carefully, so as to make myself less a target.
But the choices left me so frustrated, so feeling that I am out of personal integrity if I do not challenge wrongdoing, if I know something to be evil and do not speak out — is that not a form of complicity in it? Do I not then share the responsibility for the harm this causes? Ahh, the pain of knowing more than others, and not understanding what to do with what I know! That too is part of the story of my life.
As you will discover reading this, and future things I will share about my life, I am somewhat the worse for wear — which is not a bad thing, just something people need to realize. While I tested in the upper genius ranges of IQ as a child, I have lost around 25% of my cognitive abilities in the last few years due to chronic illness, and still test in the genius range. I have been a long time on this planet, and only recently has there been anywhere near the level of support I have required to thrive. (Better to thrive late than not at all!)
My true work has only begun in the past 4-5 years. While it could easily be asked of me, ?Well, what did you do with all the 50+ years before that?? The simple answer is: ?Getting ready.? It took that long. And, the ?getting ready? process also meant doing whatever it took to simply survive long enough.
When I left home for good, to attend college and to make a life for myself, I got into trouble with drugs and alcohol. This is a separate story but I need to mention it here. Alcohol allowed me temporary relief from my inner conflicts, alienation, and sorrow. It was the 60’s and I was certainly not the only one of my generation whose story runs this way — but as an Indigo, it had particular meaning for me, because the drugs cut me off from Source, and, I learned quickly how super-sensitive my system is to energy fields. I exposed myself to a darkness so vast I hardly knew how to cope with it.
As soon as I would take one drug and realize how damaging it was to me, I knew not to do it again (mercifully I suppose,) yet I still sought to experiment, to find that one perfect ?medicine? that would give me just the right buffer to a reality that seemed harsher than I could bear. I never found such a thing, but I did find my way out of the darkness — eventually.
That which provided temporary relief became the instrument of my confusion. The 12-year span when I used chemicals to shut out what had become nearly unbearable — KNOWING that the misery and suffering of this world is so needless, and that if I were to intervene and thus reveal myself, I would expose myself to things from which I was not yet able to protect myself ? set me back years and required immediate healing attention, which I received gratefully when it came. I was able to free myself of drugs and alcohol when help was offered, and for this I am so grateful. The world lost many of what few Indigos there were at that time to the misuse of drugs and alcohol, to darkness, and to death. The 60’s were a time of great upheaval and a doorway where many left.
EWscape through drugs and alcohol are still tempting to our super-sensitive young Indigo and Crystal children, and I believe it is part of our generation’s responsibility to provide healthy environments that receive our young charges and embrace them for all that they are. As a society we are just starting this journey — and have a long way to go. Thankfully there have been seeded enough of us who are awake and waking, that the young ones can more easily find help now, if they but reach out. (If you are a young person reading this and feel that you are in pain, DO NOT WAIT! Reach out for loving kindness NOW. It is there for you.)
At this time in life, I am much more careful about what I allow into my body, mind, and spirit, but it?s worth noting that I too was almost lost. I have had many close calls — and have actually been pronounced dead three times in my life. Thankfully, am still here to complete my work and my contracts with Light and Life.
This is the beginning of my whole story, and this is the year I have decided to tell it all. I will be writing all about it this year and beyond, in hopes that what I reveal will be useful for others, and will help guide better choices for our parenting and our teaching as we move into other dimensions and possible futures for ourselves and our children, and for the entire family of Life.
If my words give even one person courage to open their hearts and take another step forward into the light, it will be worth it. I hope some of the other early Indigo survivors will show up here, and in our community, and will tell their stories too. If you are still out there, we need to connect and heal together.
My true work as a Builder has begun — and it looks a lot like healing, serving as a spiritual guide, coach, ally, and friend, and a creator of many things. What I am building, and what we are together creating, may not even have tangible form yet — and still, it is happening. It has begun.
I have been down a rocky path, and I have paid a high price to get this far. So have any other Adult Indigos who have made it this far — congratulations to you, and BIG HUGS! What I want most to say is that it has been partly my hard work and determination to survive that has helped to make it possible for YOU to be here. I blazed a trail of sorts — perhaps badly, perhaps leaving turmoil in my wake at times, perhaps not gracefully — but it worked. You were able to get here.
We are ALL here now. And that makes it all worth while for me, because together we can do what needs to be done and what none of us alone can do by ourselves. I have faith that we will. I don?t want your pity for what I suffered but I do want your attention, so that together as a people around the globe we can change things going forward. And we all have to understand what happened, so that we make better choices this time.
When I see this web site, and feel all the joy that is here within each of you, I know why I came to earth when I did, I know why I endured everything that happened to me, and I know what I have to do now. I know my work and my purpose, and it is joyous to be doing it at last. I am sure that many of you, despite any of your challenges, also know how to find your inner joy, and your light. If you didn?t you wouldn?t be reading this.
My work with Bach remedies and flower essences has been the alchemy that I was seeking as a healing modality for myself and in my work with others. I became a Certified Flower Essence Therapist in 1999, and now create custom blended formulas for those who wish to quickly transform patterns of energy that are not serving them well, or to create new patterns by design. I seem to have a special relationship with energy patterns and essences, and a real talent for matching the right remedies for people (and their animal friends.)
I know how to make my own essences, but prefer to leave that to others more suited to the task, devoting myself instead to what I am best at doing. I know if an essence has been made properly and can trust what I use. I work co-creatively with Nature using the MAP techniques taught by Machaelle Small Wright; my repertory consists of over 700 flower essences from sources whose work I know and trust, and whose essences I use myself in my own healing and personal development.
Finally, I want to say that a lot of what happens in life is behind the scenes, inner work that no one else can see. For every person you meet, there is an inner journey that no one knows. They may be doing something inside that will change the course of history, for all you know. And for all we know, so are you! That has been part of my story, and perhaps part of yours, too. Who a soul is, will shine through eventually. The idea is to help this along, in every way we can.
I hope that my story will help others find a smoother, more loving and joyous way of being in the world, and that together we will allow more and more light and love into ourselves, and into the world through us. That is my vision and my purpose. May your life be blessed with joy and light.
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Nancy Boyd is an Adult Indigo Writer, Life Coach (Coach U Graduate and member of ICF and the Graduate School of Coaching), and Flower Essence Therapist whose vision is a world alight with love and joy. Nancy?s clients are Cultural Creatives and Indigo kids, teens, adults and their families. You can also access Nancy?s network of trained coaches who work with Indigo kids, teens and adults. For more information, visit http://www.brightwings.com . Her coaching program that helps people stay on track at http//:www.daytoppers.com is another cool tool for your success. Watch for her forthcoming book soon!
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